WOW it's been over a month since I've posted here. I split my blog into 2 and this is the "secret" one. The other one, I've only been putting stupid food posts--recipe's, that's not SO stupid but I'm not getting any feelings about anything out and that sucks.
I think I'm maybe depressed or something. I feel like I'm barely treading water. Like, the house isn't a pig sty and I DO get out of the house with the kids and everything. but I just feel pretty bummed out and like I don't CARE to do anything. I don't know what the answer is. But I am getting a lot of self help books lately, mostly books about juicing or "living well by montel williams" stuff like that. I need to make a big change in the lifestyle department. I got a beautiful book about RAW cooking--well food prep really. I want to do a "reboot"--juice for a week or so, surrounded by weeks of raw only eating (before and after). I think I need about 5 new kitchen gadgets though. I need a better juicer, a dehydrator, and a NICE mandolin slicer. Eating well like that can get expensive but I think I can manage to keep it reasonable if I have all the proper gadgetry. I guess I could start with at least the juicing, I HAVE a juicer already, and try to get some raw eating incorporated that doesn't REQUIRE that fancy stuff.... Start slow...
I've been still throwing up 2 or 3 times a day and (gross) I'm like a fuckin PRO at it now which is not cool or cute I know. I can just bend over and it comes RIGHT out like I'm simply exhaling. I do still gag to "make sure" I get out as much as I can. But then OF COURSE I have no self control because as you know-purging CAUSES me to binge uncontrollably on peanut butter and ritz crackers every night. so even if I puke out everything all day, I hork on 1000 fat calories at night and then GO TO BED and absorb all that. So I'm still hovering at around 135, although I don't REALLY know because I haven't gone to the gym in 2 fat fucking weeks.
I gotta go.....
love you girls
