A&W bender

I just threw a going away party for my brother and his family who I love to bits and pieces and I hate that they're moving but I am supportive and loving. I got 4 pizzas and 3 2 liters and 2 jugs of sunny delight. I ate veg pizza twice and threw up twice. This morning I ate steel cut oats. I like it but I didn't eat too much because I was feeling very motivated to not eat. We went to the gym and I felt so slim and good about my body. I mean I TOTALLY still find fault, but I was feeling better than ever. I was strutting from station to station sticking my butt out and pumping iron making sexy faces --all a show for hubby. he told me later I was "laying it on a little thick" I said "just because I AM sexy!" Then I went swimming and OH, I ran a mile first... so I went swimming for 20 laps and I felt super in the water like I wasn't floppy or splashy just badass. I went on the scale and this is my favorite most specific scale and I was JUST under 135 and I had my wet hair towel on. So can I round down to 134.5? OH and we're signing up to do this event called Warrior Dash It's in my area in, lets just say, "fall" and I'm pretty intimidated. but a bunch of friends want to do it too and we're gonna laugh a lot I'm sure it will be rad.

ANYWAY right now, I'm drinking glass after glass of root beer. not diet either. Gross I dont' think I've ever had diet root beer I think that'd be sick.

OH SHEEZE I almost forgot. I got a new Montel Williams Health Master. it's GIANT. I haven't used it yet but I'm gonna go apeshit and make 100 things tomorrow. I wanted a Vitamix but those are like $500

JUICE FAST SOON I PROMISE

haha sillypants

I'm feeling STONED I'm so tired and sleepy and burned out. I got through today. Kids are watching a cartoon. I'm about to take a epsom salt bath and have sleepytime tea. then bed. I feel goofy. the first half of today sucked I was strung out and kind of anxiety filled. We watched that movie "the box" this morning at dawn like stay up all night crack heads. That movie is twisted and creepy and it made me jumpy. But then I got my little makeup on and got out of the house. Took the little man to the drop in daycare so he can play. I went to some errands. Then took him home for naptime and went to big son's school for a little event they had. This eve, I took the kiddos out while husband stayed on the couch sick :-( we went to the dollar store and I got eucalyptus epsom salts. Then we went to the mall and bookstore I want this book Altered Curiosities Then we went to the pet store to get a couple of new fish All together now I have 5 assorted fancy guppies, and 3 tetras.



WOW I cant believe I got through this day without crying and loosing my mind. I kept the coffee low, I think that helped. The instinct is to over do it....

xoxo

How will we get through today

OH MAN. I thought I was better yesterday. I WAS a little better, but my stomach hurt all day bad. I couldn't go to the gym. I go to bed at 11 every night. I went to bed at 11 last night and couldn't sleep till almost 2. Then I kept having scary dreams that jolted me awake for 3 hours, then I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep. My lower back hurts bad and is radiating down my legs and OH I started my period. Ibuprofen helps the cramps, but not the aches I have from this flu. NOW my husband is sick on the couch-he stayed home to take care of me when I was first sick on wed. So he's sick and I don't know how much help I can be to him :-( I think I'm gonna get my big son off to school, then take the little one to the drop in daycare or my girlfriends house to be watched while we be sick at home :-( maybe we'll go to the gym instead and sit in the steam room and sweat.... ooooh that sounds like a good idea actually..... baby can come with and go to the kids club and i won't feel bad.... :-)

Lately, I had been b/p-ing several times a day. Taking laxatives and diuretics. Then, a week before I got sick, I went off the laxatives kinda by accident. I was still productive in the bathroom. my stomach hurt often, but I still had "productive" bathroom time, so I wasn't worried about it. So a week went by of that--all the same naughty habits, except laxatives. I was feeling frustrated though because I was stuck at the same weight for a MONTH so Tues night, before bedtime, I binged and purged like normal. Then at bedtime, I took 2 laxatives, a diuretic, an alli, and my RX meds (blood pressure and psych drug very low dose). I woke up 4 hours later puking and in pain, oh and diarrhea. I chalked that (water bowel evacuation) to the 2 laxatives after a break. But I puked so much and ended up also REALLY being sick. I just think that my bad diet habits have contributed to this sickness and make it worse. THEN last night I got my period. It's just BAD all around. ugh I need to rehydrate and sleep and chill.

Glad I got sick so what

I got the stomach flu and broke my plateau of 139 which I was stuck at for a month. WOO HOO! It actually sucked and I'm not sure it was worth it, but it's not like I asked for it. I'm at 137.

SO sad that my brother is moving away to another state. He's my baby bro and I feel like ever since our Mom died, we've gotten closer. It's sad. I'm having a going away party though, I want to be supportive. The whole thing is making me cry worse than I did when my mom died. what's up with that.