10 days

10 days Purge free!!??!! I'm doing it. I went on a weekend retreat with some AA Ladies (friends) 10 days ago and came clean about my ED. It was REALLY SUPER helpful. I made a commitment to my girlfriends and to myself. I've been having problems with my hair still and I KNOW it's from purging. Immediately, I put on 5 pounds. Like in the first 2 or 3 days. Then, it leveled out and started heading back down. I REALLY want to get back to 123 - 128 but at the moment I'm just focusing on not puking, and I feel good. I had 2 episodes where I felt too full and got panicky, but I just talked it out and waited a few min. Tonight was one of them. I layed on the couch and told my husband, and he said "just remember, it's good clean food to nourish you" And it was.

140 lbs. kinda pissed

I didn't throw up all week. Prolly 4 days in a row. I've been making structured dinners and keeping track so I can try to make meal plans. And I gained 5 lbs. I haven't been going to the gym, just once this week. I'm pretty disappointed with myself at the moment I must admit. I also must admit that I threw up tonight.

I AM so happy that I'm healthy in the lady parts. SO stinkin happy. I feel lucky, and blessed and excited that I may be getting my junk fixed soon. On the outside at least. I know I need to address my emotional hurts too. Who knows maybe I'll decide not to do it. I'm pretty scared too jeeze. I'm like an ACTIVIST about circumcision and here I am thinking about a little sniperoo for myself. UGH. this is NOT about it looking better. It's about pain and tearing and infections. I'll talk more about that later but trust me, its not about vanity.

I was having BIG FEELINGS a lot a couple weeks ago and lately it's chilled a bit. I have been keeping very busy so that helps.