Yummy Indian Food

Sorry for the name change you guys, if it throws ya off. I always get confused when someone changes the name of their blog, but I can figure it out pretty quick once I open it. Anyway, I thought "recovery" might throw people that it's about recovering from an ED. I'm in recovery for alcoholism--will be forever, and that's even kind of contradictory to me being active in ED.... it's bad, I hope if I go apeshit in ED and ever need to get help, I don't have to change my sobriety date for AA. That's REALLY up to me though I don't HAVE to ever do anything. Just hope it never comes to any of that..

Tonight we went to my favorite Indian restaurant. I haven't been to Indian food since I stopped eating meat, But I knew I didn't want the standard veggie stuff I've tried before like veg samosas, or dosas. I LOVE curries and dipping my nan in the extra gravy! YUM. I ended up getting Malai Kofta. It's little sausages made with veggies and cheese. the texture and flavor was insane tasty. and the curry its in!!?? AAAAAH it was to die for! We got extra special nan--Kabuli Nan. It's stuffed with dried fruit and nuts. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

I didn't keep it. :-( I had to "go pee" after I ate and got rid of it. No one was in the bathroom. It is SUCH a waste. But I was down to 138 this morning and I'm working so hard. I just can't ruin it with ONE big buttery/fatty/delicious meal. Anyway, I ENJOYED eating it right? So it's not like "why eat it if you're just gonna puke it"....

139!

YAY! I'm in the 130's! WOW

things are going a LOT SLOWER these days. In the last week I've only lost 1 pound. I have been b/ping like 3 times a day and then in the middle of the night I still wake up and eat peanut butter which I don't purge. THAT is probably THE reason it took me 2 weeks to loose one pound. But last night, I purged dinner and then we went to the mall. Then we came home and had bed time with the kids, then WE went in the bedroom and OMG--SEX is a weight loss drug. Lately I've been having TWO pig-out then puke sessions after the kids go to bed: one salty and one sweet. Last night I went to bed without any of that. I got loaded on sex chemicals. I kind of had a hard time sleeping last night though. It was weird I woke up a LOT and was just not comfy. Prolly cuz I was naked and not bundled up and sweating....

I'm off to the gym. I've missed bodypump all week, but I've hit the weights hard a couple of days and I'm doing it again today. I'm gonna try really hard to not b/p a million times at night--that's clearly gonna help me get results for all this hard work.

OMG you guys. I've taken a LOT of drugs in my life. But I tell you this from the bottom of my heart--No drug is as good as the high I get from working out and having good sex with my husband. SO, I guess my point is: just say no to drugs HAHA. that's kind of a joke. But I can remember thinking I NEEDED that shit in order to feel good or have fun. And Happily, I was wrong.

xo

best workout ever

is this: Bodypump, THEN swim 10 laps. 20 would be better but I had to rush out of there. I'll swim longer next time. I get HIGH for several hours when I do this workout. AAAAHHHHHH

proud of myself. yesterday KIND of sucked. it was ok in the middle, but first I was bummed and then I ended the day b/ping. It wasn't the WORST though. and I think if I stick to just once a day, that's not out of hand. It's still pretty gross though, I wonder if I'll ever just, stop. Probably! well, I hope I'm not kidding myself.

Today I've had: trail mix, and 1/2 a tuna sandwich (lite mayo). YOU KNOW WHAT I just realized I've gone over a week without a coke zero. SO THERE! I was all bent out of shape for being addicted to them. I'll have one tomorrow. I've been drinking LOTS of Blueberry Slimlife tea by Yogi Tea. it's Blueberry Green Tea--2 or 3 cups a day. It's really good, I put a pack of splenda but you dont' NEED sweetner.

talk to yall later
xo

Felling Bummed today.

WTF man. I'm really depressed today. This is gonna sound silly but I think its because I skipped the gym two days in a row. I went SO many days in a row, then nothing for 2 days. Husband suggested that's why. We'll see. I'm on my way as soon as I finish breakfast: hot muselix. It got oats, almonds, sunflower seeds, flax seeds, and raisins.

I REALLY need to take a day or two off from purging. Yesterday I probably purged 5 times. It was husbands birthday so I made him and the boys a really yummy meat sauce that simmered all day. I made myself a red sauce with crushed tomatoes, onion, garlic, carrot, mushrooms and olives. I put that over some elbow macaroni and cheese on top of THAT and stuck it in the oven to get it all melty. That was worth 2 rounds of b/ping. I also made a red velvet cake with pecan caramel frosting on the outside and buttercream on the inside. SO moist and delish. After everyone went to bed I had a grilled cheese cuz I made that for my kids for lunch and it was TORTURE not to eat it with them. cookies, cake, grilled cheeze, pasta bake, juice, milk, chips, sour cream! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I DID manage to not eat anything at all until afternoon. That's the downfall though. Starving just breeds Bingezombie Attack

so here's the plan for today:
Muselix for breakfast (200)
Whey protein for early lunch (100)
TJ's Curry Tuna for late lunch (200)
Some of that red sauce I made over brown rice for dinner (300)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Update:
ok, so I did ok till after late lunch :-( after I ate, I started making dinner for my boys and kept "tasting" their dinner bits. I didn't go apeshit, but I ate bites I DIDN't plan on OR want! So I purged before I left for my meeting. Then I went and came back and gave up before I even got home. Big-ish binge. I ate beans, rice, red sauce, cheese, sour cream and tortilla chips. THEN milk, and the last of the red velvet cake and some cookies. Got out as much as I could. I feel dehydrated and swollen.

That's 2 times today. Better than yesterday. Worse than tomorrow.

oh ya, I made it to the gym and it was almost ruined because the hot tub was being drained and I was SOO looking forward to that. I dont' have a heater in my car and I'm ok with that because I know I can get in the hot tub. I almost left but then I just forced myself to get in the pool and swim 40 laps. 1.25 miles.
xo

Another fun "Before/After" Pic

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! I WAS SO FAT! GAWD!

Goal Met

Yoga (kristen)
Running- 1 mile (half before, half after) walking 1/2 mile

ALL I've had to eat all day so far is coffe, 1/4 cup of trail mix, and green tea
I'm going to TRY to wait to eat lunch (curry tuna/brown rice/veg) until 3 and then I'm not sure about dinner. I'm trying so hard to restrict but not so bad that I turn into a binge zombie. I mean, Lately I've been b/ping 2 or three times a day. But the foods aren't always the WORST.

I've been to the gym so many days in a row I don't even know how many days sheeze. I haven't been doing Livestrong.com at all lately. It's kind of ruined by b/ping.

I can't believe it though!!! I've lost 48 pounds!! from 188 to 140 today!!!! WOW I'm tickled fucking pink! first goal is 125 and I'm shooting for that by March. Then I DO have a naughty dream to get down to 113.

kickin some ass this week

I've been to the gym every day since Sunday. Here's my schedule:
Monday: Bodypump class, 10 lap swim
Tues: 2000 meter swim (40 laps)
Wed: Bodypump Class, 10 lap swim
Thurs: Run 1 mile, 32 lap (1 mile) swim
Friday: Yoga Class, 10 lap swim
Sat: Bodypump Class, 10 lap swim/ hottub chillout
Sunday: open. Maybe no gym, maybe yoga with husband.

I'm feeling so good. OKOK, I'm gonna add some pictures cuz it's been a while and I can see things that have been hiding for years, like, my jawline! I know it it still looking a little, ummmm, saggy, but it used to just be straight to neck. HEE HEE



Here's a better one I made some adjustments to hue on:


And lastly here's a little collage. The first 2 are from mothers day. Right side photo is from this weekend, same dress. I know you can't see as well in that last one, but JEEZE I was SO FAT!!! Like FOR REAL and that's not me. I don't look right at all in those fat ones.

Lovely Alli

ok to answer a question:
Alli is sewper. I love it. I don't take it ALL the time but sometimes I take it up to 4 times a day. What it does is block 25% of the fat you eat. you're supposed to stay under 19 grams of fat in a meal with alli and anything over that can have negative consequences. AKA: oil leakin from your ass. you know that orange grease on pizza? When you over do it with alli, you get THAT grease floating on the top of the water in the toilet. Mostly I think "oh who cares about a little grease, I REALLY want this mayo in my tuna salad" but then I ALWAYS regret it--it's NOT worth it and then I'm much more careful. When I was loosing the most weight, I would like, eat a lean cuisine for lunch for like 5 grams of fat, AND take the alli and over time, I know for sure that helped over all with my weight loss. I would even take it with my 2 grams of fat splash of almond milk in my coffee. In a day I'd only actually ABSORB 5 or 10 fat grams.... I'd like to still take it lots but it's a little out of my price range right now. :-( I can get it super cheap at costco, but it's still out of my pricerange.

Treatment Effects~gross

HAHA. I made salmon and brown rice (with a smidge of butter) and green beans for dinner. I starved all day so I ATE dinner and didn't purge till hours later when I binged on cereal. With dinner I took an Alli and I'm having the WORST 'treatment effects' I've ever experienced with it. I know salmon is pretty fatty and I DID use a little bit of butter with the rice. But I've eaten WAY worse stuff and had less "effects"..... SOOOOO GROSS

I went to the gym and I was late for yoga so I got irritated and left. I'm going back in an hour when it's not too crowded and irritating. Yesterday I ran, did some legs and back on weights, then swam. Probably do the same today.

xo

starved

I was feeling a bit under the weather since sunday. I went to the gym for 3 hours sat and sunday and then nothing mon-tue-wed. I also didn't purge and I only KIND of didn't binge. I nibbled a BIT on a couple naughty things but I didn't go apeshit. I did get back to the gym today. And so far I've only had a banana and a handful of trailmix. I'm making salmon and brown rice for dinner. I'm fuckin starved! ugh. Like in the headache nausea way. I'm having a cup of green tea and I got agave so I'm trying that. it's good but WHAT THE FUCK it's sixty cals per tbsp! I just don't get how that's supposed to be better than sugar. I mean I understand about the glycemic index bs. But SIXTY calories?? I could eat an EGG for that much jeeze.

oh, I didn't gain anything these last few days of no action. thank GOD. today I weighed with my clothes on (jeans and even shoes) so I'd get freaked out and not flake on the gym and it worked. haha

About that cleanse: for one thing, it's not really 3 days. It's more like a week because there's days leading up to it where you try to follow a plan, and days after too. I mean the whole thing is a guideline and ya, I might just HAVE to still have (black) coffee. But it totally makes sense to follow it pretty strictly to avoid unpleasant effects. Its a beautiful little plan. I'm scared :-) I really don't know if I'm mentally stable enough to do it! sounds silly, but it would be worse than quitting smoking I think. OH but I'd be so proud if I got through it. Well, I'll try it-- and all the juicing is GOING to be good no matter what.

I went to the gym EVERY SINGLE DAY this year so far. HAHA. it's only the second. But MAN I got to go by myself so I had no time constraints with the babysitting or anything and was able to do EVERYTHING I want: run 1 mile, walk another half mile or so, ab machine for one whole song on my ipod, weights for whole body, swimming, shower and whatnot. feeling GOOD and tired.

hafta go play b/p