ooooooh the intruigue

Black Swan

Check that out~ am I the biggest dork for not knowing about this movie till just now??

Anyway, I puked my guts out ALL through the thanksgiving holiday. And I lost weight. I was stuck at 152 - 156 for like A MONTH!! And now I'm 148! WOW huh. I'm so distracted right now.

Sorry for you followers who read the ana/mia chron's cuz I have to post KIND OF the same info in both. I don't talk too much over there about AA or, really anything that isn't about puking or weight loss..

But HERE you get to read about FUN AA Parties. just kidding.

check THIS OUT! this is a picture of my ass in some goal pants one month ago (left duh) and just today (on the right.) there's room for another photo (for when they're falling off.........

alano magic

I planned to keep myself busy while we're here In Idaho for Thanksgiving. I brought 3 scarves to crochet, 30 Christmas cards to fill out and get ready to mail, and I found all the nearby AA meetings. I went to the local ALANO club and found just the greatest goup of people. I met a nice girl who's gonna pick me up for a womens meeting tomorrow. sounds cheezy, but those people are like family and they're strangers and that's magic. The subject was gratitude today and I'm so grateful for my in laws and just how they accept me. They've all told me they're so proud and to thinka few years ago, ALL I was was a dissapointment. AND I was miserable. Now I'm SO MELLOWED out! I can't believe it. and like, I just thought sobriety would mean I'd have to just live my life a nervous wreck AND be fake. But all the honesty I see in AA--it's unreal. I'll have 3 years in a few days, THAT'S unreal too eh....

AND I'm loosing weight which just makes me feel even MORE at home in my own skin. And I'm still loosing as we are on this vacation, even though I'm not going to the gym and I HAVE to eat. I AM throwing up 2 or 3 times a day. I can't help it. I started to feel pretty anxious today when we ate lunch. Like I was gonna cry..... I was pretty high from that meeting. I probably didnt' need to eat....

sleepy zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

tendons intact

I'm done with my antibiotics so I went to the gym today and RAN. Only 1.5 miles not 2 but STILL I don't think I would have been able to do it if it wasn't for THIS: OxyElite Pro. it's some pump you up thermogenic + caffeine. And I love it. It gave me the shakes BAD till after I worked out, but then I was cool. It also messed with my circulation because my hands got swollen when I ran. But then I went swimming and got evened out.... It's KIND of a little like a mix between COKE and extacy. My eyes were wide open and I was getting hot n cold flashes and my feet were tingling and I was giggling and it was kind of intense. Then when I went in the hot tub and pool, it was crazy and the only comparison I can think of is extacy.... It contains a couple different things, one is yohimbe which is an "herbal viagra"--explains the circulation thing. and an aryuvedic herb used to improve memory and concentration. So basically it makes you focused, horny, and hopped up. just kidding. I'm not horny. well, we HAVE been on hiatus since I got the bladder infection. hee hee! I'm glad it's date night.

When I was on the antibiotics I didnt' take laxatives or diuretics and I was still doing ok in the bathroom, but every day I was more and more puffed up till yesterday I was HUGE and uncomfortable no kidding. I took all that again last night I HAD TOO and I'm sure I've lost a few just in this one day. We'll see, I'll weigh in tomorrow morning. I got down to 152 for one second last week. and last night I was fucking 158!!! that's honk.

I'm still juicing every day and haven't had meat. But I DO have a ton of lean cuisines in the freezer I can't toss out, I'll still eat..... later.... and tonight we're having fish tacos. I'm pretty sure this is gonna have to be a step by step thing. where I'll still eat fish and dairy and eggs. lacto-ovo pescatarian?? whatever, I feel bad, I HATE it when people say they're gonna do something and then pretty much retract by only doing SOME of what they said. But then that hatred just makes me never say I'm gonna do anything because I dont' want to be a wishy washy flake. but never making goals or standards for myself from fear of being a flake, that's not good either....

anyway, jeeze ya, I guess oxyelite gives me a nice little bit of focus.
haha

on the warpath

or: I'm on a rampage? A mellow rampage. I watched a documentary last night called the beautiful thing I think. It's about this Dr who cured cancer in the 40's named Dr Gerson. I mean, that's the basic subject of the documentary. and it goes on about how curing cancer is a business and everyone would be out of a job if they actually DID cure cancer. SO it's this big conspiracy theory. But I totally believe it. And then I was reminded of all these other food related conspiracies I get all excited about but never follow through with. The "juiceman" was on this movie. Its all about curing cancer with juicing, and coffee enemas, and getting cancer causing stuff out of our food and bodies. So today, I busted out the juicer and got "Skinny Bitch" from the library. It's a GREAT book. More conspiracy stuff and it's all true and I want to go vegetarian this time for real. I want to be healthy most of all and i know that WITH that, will come super-skinny. I know it.

I haven't taken laxatives since Thursday. Diuretics either. and I'm super successful in the bathroom anyway! yaaaaaaaaaaaay. I'm eating tons of GOOD poop making foods: apples, flax seeds, beets, probiotics... I made spicy butternut soup this weekend and ate that a few times. that had chicken broth in it...

UGH! this book IS SUPER good.

Freaking out

Ok, I'm freaking out right now because I got a BAD (hit me hard, bleeding) bladder infection this morning. I went to the doctor and he gave me Cipro. When I filled it, the pharmacist told me "no exercise" while I take it!!?? I said "running's ok though right" haha, he said NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I guess theres a super rare chance of tendon rupture. I ran 2 miles yesterday!! And I know I have to run every day, or it will be so sickening HARD to get back to it after a break! I don't want a break!! I called the doc to ask for something else. Fuck that.

Goin to the store asap this morning to get more diurex. I don't think I'm gaining so much weight since I ran out. But I still panicked when I saw 154.0 on the scale this morning. I was 152.0 the other morning and I AM TIRED of being stuck at 154. I'm going to take it 4 times a day like it says.....

I went a whole week with no purging, but since S's birthday party Saturday, I've been having my nightly routine with it. I have my meeting tonight and I can usually NOT b/p on meeting nights. I wait to eat dinner till after and then I just have a soup--altogether less than 300 cals (crackers and whatnot) for dinner.....

I made a batch of Kamut yesterday I'm gonna try having that for breakfast and see if I get power from it.

I ran yesterday, the first time since my double whammy last week. I didnt' take a "quick trim burn" and it HURT to do my run. I REALLY had a hard time. I only have one more of those pills and I'm gonna take it today.... I might have to get some more of that!

S is 3

My Baby boy is 3 tomorrow. We're having a little costume party. I cashed in on all the sales of halloween stuff. Not scary halloween, fun for kids.

I didn't go to the gym today. I ran all around the world getting ready for this party and going to school for my Art Lit lesson--I volunteer at my 8 year olds school doing Art Literacy for his class. Each month is a featured artist. They learn the history and life story of the artist and some technique as well as art terms, ideas, and theory. It's the BEST ever thing I could do as a volunteer. So once a month I also go in first to learn the whole lesson plan and everything. So I did that part today.

Today I ate 1045 cals.
I was 154.3 this morning. grrrrrr

We're going to the gym in the morning. Then clean house, then party. I'm still really sore. Worse than last night even...

Oops I did it again!

I ran a mile again today, and faster even! I can't believe it. I'm a RUNNER. ME.... YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Today I ate 1059 cals.
I'm still 154.5

On my period, hopefully I loose a couple pounds JUST for that. Let alone all my superwoman running. I'm going to start upping my distance ASAP.I have to take tomorrow off I'm in PAIN tonight. I think I'll go to yoga tomorrow, but no running or weights.

hearts!

so weird

I haven't binge/purged in 3 days. Just out of nowhere. I couldn't stop and then bam, done. I've been eating closer to 1050 cals a day, maybe that's helping. I'm gonna edit and add to this later, I have to go to the gym now.

oh ya, real quick: Portia De Rossi was on GMA this morning and I love her! She wrote a very revealing book about her eating disorder and I can't wait to read it....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm back. I ran a mile at the gym today!! I haven't even attempted that since maybe June when I was 185+ and I couldn't even jog .25 mile. Today I just got on the treadmill to warm up but then I started running and before I knew it I was .25 miles along and like "oooh, I can do this!" so I did it. I feel like a fuckin CHAMP and I'm gonna do that every day. I know that's gonna make my second half of this weightloss actually start happening! I'm STILL 154.5! I know this happens every 5 pounds, I get stuck for a week or more. but I hate that! Running will work I know it YAY!

OK, this is weird: my period keeps coming sooner and sooner my cycle has been like this:
Aug 28 days
Sept 26 days
Oct 24 days!
24 days since the START of my last period. that means it's only been like 18 days since I ended which is BULLHONK. 2.5 weeks of period free? nofair.

Calories today: 1038

Spell is broken

AH, I'm feeling MUCH better today. No binges yesterday. ON HALLOWEEN! I worked out HARD and had 900 cals. Good girl.

M and I got in ANOTHER fight last night. and we never even had it out about the last one. yuk. So we got in the shower. That always makes every thing better and last night was no exception. wheew! I can't wait till I have my ultimate body and a TAN. Hot bod in the shower is his big fantasy

I'm gonna go shopping today for S's little birthday party sat. He's turning 3. We're having a costume party and i'm gonna go cash in on some halloween sales.... hopefully.

hearts.