Reboot

I've been depressed lately. Then I got sick, and that was more depressing. I only went that one day of my last post not puking. Yesterday I threw up so hard that it gave me bad heart palpitations, and my neck was wider than my face. It was gross and scary :-(

I didn't make any resolutions for new years.
I've still been my flaky self, no gym, eating like a freak, puking every day 3 times.

One of my worst struggles is getting up in the morning, i HATE IT. HATE. but today, I pushed through like every day and then I just felt better and better all morning. Like I knew I was better from my sickness and I felt excited about life which is such a relief! I made a bunch of notes for how to make my own soap, how to make those aromatherapy/thermal wrap things you heat in the micro for soothing, and how to do my own custom "reboot". I keep hearing all about this concept and especially during the new year resolution time. First i have to beat the purging demon and quit HOGGING out on candy. So the first few days of my reboot is, no candy except 2 squares of chocolate at night, and NO purging. Then next few days after that is eat vegetarian, no purging, only one square of chocolate, no dairy, raw if possible. Then I'm gonna do a juice fast for 3 days. OMG I'm scared of that already.

AND I DID my plan for today!!! I have been shaking for candy all day and I'm starving and I can't even stand it, but I did it *proud*.....  here's what I ate:
Coffee(loaded) (100)
Kale smoothie (kale, banana, pineapple, walnuts, almond milk, cinnamon) (300)
handful of almonds for snack (160) UGH
salmon wrapped in collard greens (SUPER good recipe leftovers from the other night) (180)
hummus with veggies (250)
noodles & Co SMALL bangkok curry (only 230 cal)
popcorn (100)
herb tea with almond milk (40)

I AM on Livestrong and tracking my calories, and they traumatize me but for the first few days of this I have to not stress about that or I'll restrict so much that i'll end up binging. please note the cals for bangok curry because it seems like it would be high but it's really low I researched it last year when I was a weightloss badass and its a really good choice for going out. However, I was still half starved after. This will regulate pretty quick though if I remember right. Basically, what I'm doing, is ALL the tricks I did before to loose weight. Only difference is, I'm doing them all in one week, where before, it took me 2 or three months to figure out all the right things to do for me. Plus, I'm not puking ;-)

I don't remember if I said anything about this last year when I did my juice cleanse, but: I have this girlfriend who told me (during the cleanse) that if I lost any more weight i'd look too skinmy, unhealthy even.  SO SUCH a coincidence when this same friend came over TODAY in the middle of all my big planning to do another cleanse, tells me "I mean this as a compliment, I can tell that you've put on weight and I really think you look good, I was getting worried there for a while" It WAS really sweet, but SO WEIRD right??  AND I weigh 138 which is what I weighed when I started that cleanse last year, and at my skinniest (apparently worrisome) weight I was 122. and that was only for a SECOND. really I was around 128 most of last summer. I don't know. I guess I'm nitpicking, but I don't think so. I was NOOOOT too skinny and if I get down to 118 I still won't be too skinny. If I got down to 113 someone MIGHT argue that I probably shouldn't go lower. but 128??? not even close to TOO anything. It was ALMOST perfect.