chuggin along

today my intake was 976 (1000)I haven't been to the gym in like 4 days! gross, I'm going tomorrow. M gym- and I'm gonna do some heavy weights and then swim...

I threw up twice today. The first time was lunch. I need to only just MAKE the amount of lunch I'm ok with keeping because if I make more, I'll eat more. I need to REALLY really try to restrict more. I feel so much better than if I loose control and have to purge. throwing up just makes me feel so stoned or retarded or something. that happened especially bad with dinner because I didn't drink enough while eating and it was hard to get back up....
bluh

I DID do my ab routine on the floor once today.

SO, tomorrow's a new day. I'm honestly going to be depressed if I have gained weight, or not lost AT ALL. I was 178 the last I checked at the gym.....

whomp

Today, I did good, I nibbled when we went to the farmer market. Only had a cracker and one salami for lunch. Dinner was burgers- I ate a spring mix first, then my burger which I gave back until I saw greens. Gross? Well, It came back SOOOO easy again so..... And I just really can't see how only 30 - 50% of purged food comes back up. I mean, MAYBE if you were binging for hours and the food on top of food pushed some down too far to be purged? I don't know. I puked that whole burger I'm sure of it... Anyway, then I just had a little sandwich and an aranciata, and I'm gonna have one of those jello mousse's for 60 cals.... and still I should be under 1200 for the day. I counted 25% of my burger. I just CANT count more than that.....

HUH! I'm eating this Jello Mousse deal and it's pretty good! usually "sugar free" actually tastes like nasty chemicals. I can't taste artificial sweetener at all. Texture is a bit plasticky, but I can handle that.

The other thing about today is that I got the whomp super bad. Like the worst I can remember maybe since I quit drinking.... I took one quick trim, and a couple hours later I got my power pops in the mail and tried that--that was actually after purging my dinner. I don't know what food or combination gave me this super bad painful gas that is STUCK in my chest practically.


zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I can do it!

I ate abt 1300 calories today. I did my stomach exercises and others-legs, back, butt. just a bit on the floor a couple of different times. I can suck in my gut like I haven't been able to in I dont know how long. I feel less bloated, lighter. I LOVE IT. I have a stomach ache a lot, but it's worth it. I know 1300 is still a lot and I have to get it down even more. But I also know I CAN. I ate a stupid pastry for breakfast--250 cals plus 100 for loaded coffee. which is all a waste I normally don't do.

I have to go to bed, we're going to the farmers market in the morning. It's hard to count cals on the weekend.... hmmmm

I want to start keeping lists of things to do and structure my day better. I need help with this, I think I'll ask R--no kidding.

no sleep

I went to bed at 1:30 last night and S got up at 6:30 :( Of course I tried to snooze on the couch but that's not real sleep. This is gonna be a tough day. I think I should "eat normal"... It's HARD to restrict and I just don't know if I have the strength.... I'll try to follow my live strong counter, we'll see how I do.

note to self

Kay going to the store was just too hard. I had to eat when I got home and so I had to throw up which I'm kind of growing to hate. when I do that, I still count 20% of the calories as intake. I still stayed under 1100 for the day so that's cool

so

So today, I ate ONE chicken burrito from taco bell because I was starving--I didn't eat for too long and couldn't control myself when I went to get the kids something. I would have eaten 3 of them but I knew I wouldn't be able to purge cuz we were out, so I just had one and actually digested it :) those are 300 cals. then I had a bowl of total for dinner. then I was serving the fam their dinner and it was beef stroganoff! I had to mow down a bowl of that, but I purged it so I'm only gonna count 25% of the cals

right now I'm at 650 cals for the day which is good. And I guess this is probably not the best but I'm going grocery shopping now and it's 10pm. and I'm taking C. It's really hot the last couple days and I dont' want to go in the heat torture with S to three stores tomorrow. So I'm gonna get the big one done tonight, and i had to wait till everyone ELSE is asleep. that's why so late.

If I eat anything else tonight, I'll purge it....

OH! and I got the quick trim box today so I'm back on that cleanse which I LOVE.

on fire

So yesterday was ok. I worked out HARD (so I'm sore today) and I still only ate less than 1200 cals. Then I went to bed and I was cold and I couldn't sleep. So, I got up for a nibble and I ate probably 200 cals and went to bed. Which is no good I guess BUT whatcha goona do. HAha I'm watching Lorraine Bracco on the View. Fuggettabowdit

I was hungry all day though. It's hard.

I ordered some Power Pops. BFF came over yesterday and was glum about her weight. She lost SOOOO much weight and only weighs 115 or less. But she still has a bit of tummy and I wanted to tell her about ProAna Thinspiration and about my blog. But I just cant. I'm afraid she'll go nutso and hurt herself. Plus she'll bust me. well maybe I'll tell her later. She looks great though! It's amazing and an inspiration in itself.

I'm not going to the gym but I'll do my ab routines.