I just made myself throw up. I had anxiety so bad and I knew I had to do it. I had a long conversation with Sponsor, and I'm just so shaken by it I guess. I can't remember the last time I did that. I know I have to go to this kid party tonight and I don't want to. And I've been isolating so bad and not even talking to Sponsor ever. And it's not like I'm talking to some other women in the program, I'm not talking to anyone and it's just sickening the way I trick myself and I really felt better when I talked to her, but maybe it's just the big sweeping up and down today. I had my girlfriends over this morning. I dread it, but I still invite them because I know I need to visit and get up and attem. So (this happened the last time we all met here) while they're here and for hours after, I feel really nervous. I think the best cure for that is to keep doing it, over time it will get better. But I don't know. Maybe I'm wrong. Because that nervous feeling turned into some pretty overwhelming anxiety.
Oh My God I just confessed the truth to Sponsor. I emailed because I can't call, my kids are too close. well, I need to make this private because it's giving me blockages when it's public like this
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