I promised I would check RIGHT back in and I didn't. I'm sorry. I was a mess all week from that appointment. JUST A MESS. I had all this nervous energy so I swam in the morning. Real quick so's you all know I'm not ill: I weigh 138 and I'm 5' 5" I was just this eve whining to husband about I'm SO FAT and my thighs are just ridiculous and I'm sore all the time. Yes I work out, but not even ONCE every day, let alone more than once or an inappropriate amount. I'll be honest. I WISH I had the discipline to "purge" by exercising. Like, oh I just ate a fat breakfast I'm gonna work out 6 hours today. Well, I don't wish for THAT but I just wish that I had the discipline to kick ass at the gym after a good brekk and I never do. Not lately anyway. I'm sluggish and not badass. ANYWAY that's a sidenote..... I went swimming to help with my nerves. Then I went to the appointment. I had the med director and she was just the most wonderful perfect person possible for me at that moment. She was WARM and loving and kind. I love her. I'm going to write her a letter. We talked about everything. She did a pap smear and while she was down there said yes I'm a good candidate for labiaplasty (yes it's really called that!) She said it's not seen as a 'cosmetic' surgery in the sense that I'm being vain. It causes me pain, tearing, infection, and it's a constant reminder. It's no different than a woman getting breast reduction because her back hurts. She IS the med director and doesn't usually see patients but she decided on who I should see based on my particulars. This other doc has performed several labiaplasty's and she said she would talk to her about me one on one. Which makes me feel special. I was so worried about the pap smear, she said what's the worst thing that could happen. I said "you'll have to nail clipper off part of my cervix" (sorry) she giggled a little and said "that is but a blip in your life compared to all the things you have overcome already and there is no reason to believe there is anything to worry about." OH and about the cyst: she was "unconcerned" about it. it is like 1.5 mm and totally "normal" these things come and go no big whoop. She said I can go back in for another ultrasound in a month or two.... so that's the update. I lost my shit in the eve. Bawled my guts out to my husband. Its sickening the things that we as women have to go thru. a metal clamp shoved up our ass (you know what I mean), my legs were vibrating in the stirrups STIRRUPS!!! JEEZE. I'm gonna do some positive visualization about my loving cervix that it will please God be healthy.
Thank you Lovies
xoxo
Did I miss something about a reason the pap might be abnormal? I'm sure it will be fine.
ReplyDeleteYep, labiaplasty for you isn't vanity, it's restoration. Like having a nose job because your nose got broken and healed in bumpy crooked pieces and you can't breathe anymore. The med director sounds like an outstanding person for helping to make you comfortable and personally finding the right doctor for you.
That nose job analogy is PERFECT and spot on. Thank you :-)
DeleteThe labiaplasty is to correct a physical issue that is causing ongoing physical and mental distress. PERFECTLY VALID AND IN NO WAY VAIN. If I hadn't been building up my back muscles for the last 6 I'd be in the same boat for a boob reduction. (I'd also be on the sickness benefit coz these bastards almost crippled me) TEMPEST'S ANALOGY IS INDEED PERFECT. LISTEN TO HER!
ReplyDelete*Huggles* Pap smears are always a bit fraught. Even though I know they're for the best I can't help but feel mildly violated afterwards. Perfect excuse for a new book or ball of yarn! I swear guys have it lucky. If I got to choose I'd take a finger up the ass any day over those bloody forceps things!
I'm glad to hear the cyst is so small. At that size they do come and go for no apparent reason. I'm crossing my fingers that it is a transitory visitor.
Take care of yourself, ok? Love you!
You are not fat. You don't need to hit the gym every day. Your ED is telling you lies. But you can choose not to listen every time it pipes up.
ReplyDeleteYou are a normal weight. I'm sure your thighs look like normal thighs..and I'm even more sure that even if they aren't perfect, no one is expecting you or your thighs to be picture perfect. You are just right.
<3
Thank you Love :-)
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