Oops I did it again!

I ran a mile again today, and faster even! I can't believe it. I'm a RUNNER. ME.... YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Today I ate 1059 cals.
I'm still 154.5

On my period, hopefully I loose a couple pounds JUST for that. Let alone all my superwoman running. I'm going to start upping my distance ASAP.I have to take tomorrow off I'm in PAIN tonight. I think I'll go to yoga tomorrow, but no running or weights.

hearts!

so weird

I haven't binge/purged in 3 days. Just out of nowhere. I couldn't stop and then bam, done. I've been eating closer to 1050 cals a day, maybe that's helping. I'm gonna edit and add to this later, I have to go to the gym now.

oh ya, real quick: Portia De Rossi was on GMA this morning and I love her! She wrote a very revealing book about her eating disorder and I can't wait to read it....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm back. I ran a mile at the gym today!! I haven't even attempted that since maybe June when I was 185+ and I couldn't even jog .25 mile. Today I just got on the treadmill to warm up but then I started running and before I knew it I was .25 miles along and like "oooh, I can do this!" so I did it. I feel like a fuckin CHAMP and I'm gonna do that every day. I know that's gonna make my second half of this weightloss actually start happening! I'm STILL 154.5! I know this happens every 5 pounds, I get stuck for a week or more. but I hate that! Running will work I know it YAY!

OK, this is weird: my period keeps coming sooner and sooner my cycle has been like this:
Aug 28 days
Sept 26 days
Oct 24 days!
24 days since the START of my last period. that means it's only been like 18 days since I ended which is BULLHONK. 2.5 weeks of period free? nofair.

Calories today: 1038

Spell is broken

AH, I'm feeling MUCH better today. No binges yesterday. ON HALLOWEEN! I worked out HARD and had 900 cals. Good girl.

M and I got in ANOTHER fight last night. and we never even had it out about the last one. yuk. So we got in the shower. That always makes every thing better and last night was no exception. wheew! I can't wait till I have my ultimate body and a TAN. Hot bod in the shower is his big fantasy

I'm gonna go shopping today for S's little birthday party sat. He's turning 3. We're having a costume party and i'm gonna go cash in on some halloween sales.... hopefully.

hearts.

ok ok wheew

Yesterday sucked so bad I'm not even kidding. it was the climax of a week straight of binging and purging. I puked 4 times! I ate SOOOOOOO much crap:
good breakfast
no lunch
pillsbury crescent ham n cheese roll ups (3) I made for boys during punkin time
3 or more frosted shortbread cookies
cookies n cream ice cream
hot chocolate
whole bag of lowfat popcorn
3 glasses of diet juice
2 glasses of milk
a whole plate of chips with shredded cheeze
lowfat whole grain eggo with an egg and cheese
fun size candy bars (4)

gross.
I didnt' puke after the eggo/egg, and candy. But THANK GOD my weight isn't up this morning. And I'm doing good and feel confident that the spell is broken.

We went to the gym this morning and I did weights HARD for an hour, then I swam for 12 min (10 laps) that's easy, but I REALLY pushed hard on the weights. I'm proud of myself.

Maybe M and I will have sex tonight. It's been a WEEK!! GAWD. cuz we had a minor fight in the bedroom on wed and we both have had too much pride. Plus we're being gentle with each others feelings cuz I think we both got hurt feelings. Basic deal was this: He jokes constantly in the bedroom, I get tired of that I think it's fake and he's actually hiding behind that. Plus, I just get irritated with the physicality of it--he force frenches me every time until I give up and just lay there irritated. With that to look forward too every time, it ruins my mood. So when he said "why don't you have a sense of humor" I went off about all that stuff and it embarrassed him BAD and I DO have a sense of humor. I do funny joky fake do it play ALL the time and cheese out. SOooooooooooooooo, well, I think we're both getting nice and horny which is a good little pressure to have.

ok, time to get dressed and clean.

Heats

155.5

This morning I weighed in a full 2 pounds less than last night. WOW

*update*
I need to be careful. (warning this next part might be gross) We had to add lube TWICE last night during sex.... I think these water pills totally work and I'm like, low moisture! haha.

I just ate a fat turkey sandwich with mayo (not lite) and lays potato chips. Now I'm going to go throw up. SORRY I KNOW it's bad. I need to not even HAVE lays potato chips in the fuckin house.

MUST DRINK MORE WATER

Cold feet

Thanks to a fellow poster on The Chronicles, I'm now convinced I have Raynauds disease. It makes you get super cold feet or hands or one foot or even only a couple of toes. I'm gonna make an appointment, I want to: get off welbutrin, talk about the WART on my foot, talk about my tremor, talk about this cold toes thing, check in about my TMJ...

I've been binging and purging for the last few days. For about two weeks before that, I was tortured and resisted and resisted, and like, I didnt' loose any weight anyway! So while I don't want to KEEP giving up, I have given up for the last few days. Tonight, it was taco bell and sesame donuts. two episodes this eve.... right after the last purge of the night, I take my laxies, and an alli, and a water pill, and my bedtime meds. I was stuck at 158 - 160 for like 2 weeks or something and I just weighed in at 157.6 at the end of the day which is for sure the highest of the day so WOO fuckin HOO!!

I'm just over a month shy of having 3 years sober. I can't believe it. I guess I'll talk about that more when it actually happens but every day is a fucking miracle and NOW I'm getting the opportunity to help other girls I'm close to. Amazing.

Before the taco bell and donuts purge I made indian food. Chicken, Dal, and Potato Parathas. it was OK.

BP attack

I've been binging and purging for 2 days. Not today though! dammit! night before last I waited till after bedtime. But yesterday, I did it for lunch and then again after bed. yuk! It's not that hard or gross. But IT DOESN'T WORK. I haven't lost weight in 2 or 3 days and I'm at the gym every day so...... I don't know how it doesn't work, but it doesn't. I HAVE to just "be good" and strict.

OMG we've had sex 4 out of the last 6 days. NICE.

Off to the gym.....