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I feel kinda bad for not posting for so long. I read everyone's though. I guess I don't feel like I have anything juicy to tell about. Well I'll give it a shot.

For Christmas, I got: some hair accessories, a sport bra, and a yoga mat. I got my husband a bunch of exercise stuff like resistance bands, and a yoga mat and a fitness ball. He totally uses that stuff. One kid got a keyboard and the other got a couple play sets. I made trail mix and scarves for other friends. We're poor right and that's KIND OF a bummer but not the worst ever you know I know a LOT of people who are worse off and more stressed out. I've been doing a budget- the Dave Ramsey program and it's helping, but we just started. guess how much we spent on Christmas: $500! I know most people spend way more, WE usually spend way more. But for the few things we got, I didn't think it was that high. Now we're living off $50 bucks for the next 7 days. That's gonna suck but we're going to get through it and hopefully this is all a learning experience and I get some good out of it.

I was all enrolled and set to start school in the spring but I've pretty much decided to put that on hold indefinitely. I owe $10k of my own already for my AA that I don't use. and I just think it would be more responsible to pay that off first. I mean, I don't even have a GOAL about school and I honestly was planning on just getting all that "free money" all my friends are getting for school and living off student loans forever. I'm really glad I've rethought that. It's not really the wisest course. I'm almost thinking higher education is a scam. I don't' want to make that generalization for everyone, but it really kind of is. And all the debt everyone is getting into for it, ALL endorsed by the government..... It's gonna be worse than the housing bubble. People graduating with degrees cant get ANY job, or the best they can get is a min wage job. So they KEEP going back to school to get a masters cuz there's nothing else to do. it waters down the pool, do you know what I mean? it CHEAPENS the value of a degree for everyone. bummer. I have a vague fantasy of being an expert on art and managing an art museum or being a critic or something.

Maybe I'll just enjoy being a mom and managing the house. Focus on that. Get everything just perfect around here and then if I'm bored and both kids are in school I can get a job.

I'm chairing my meeting tomorrow--that means I sit up front and tell about my experience with AA and how it was for me, drinking. And a MIRACLE has happened. I get the worst stage fright and I HATE speaking in front of people. it's the worst. no one believes me, I pull it off pretty ok, but I HATE IT. its so uncomfortable. I gag, I bite my tongue, stutter, choke, mess up, forget what I'm saying. it's just the worst. But this time, I'm feeling oddly mellow. I got what all I'm gonna say organized with what I'm gonna read aloud--it goes in an order and has a flow so I'm not a spazz. I know I'm still gonna feel like I'm holding my breath for an hour, but I'm just so much better than I used to be. It gets better all the time.

OH, I'm 144.5 for the last like week or so. I have been purging so many times in a day lately that it was just getting out of hand and I made myself a deal to try to chill. I have chilled about 70% I used to puke 3 times a day, now I'm down to 1. that's better. I know I still need to work on just restricting. SOON I'm gonna do a 3 day juice cleanse--when we have the $$ for me to buy the stuff in about a week. Oh SHEEZE I hope it doesn't say I can't drink coffee... I bet it does though dammit

haha
xoxo