catch up

I should have written a couple of posts this weekend. There was plenty to talk about. But when I had time to post, I was busy b/ping....

FIRST OKAY we went to this big ole family fun place called Johns Incredible something or other. Its like this big pizza buffet, salad bar, pasta, dessert, the whole 9. and there's an arcade with games and rides and a bonanza of fun. I hogged out and visited the ladies room and then played games and we stayed for 2 hours it was dark out when we left. THEN when we got home, I visited the restroom at home cuz we had dessert in the meantime and I had LOTS of dessert. Usually my husband goes to bed a couple of hours before me, but I went to bed with him because we had plans to go to the farmers market early. Getting ready for bed, he closes the door (unusual) and goes "I've got something to ask you and I hope you tell me the truth" AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! scared the living Christ out of me. :-( He goes "You ate a lot at dinner. Then you spent a long time in the bathroom" and I was all "YOU guys went to the bathroom too" and he goes "then you ate a lot at dessert and then you went to the bathroom when we got home" OH Meanwhile, I was looking around frantic because I lost my wedding ring. And it's not just any ring--it's my great grandmothers ring and my mom wore it and I always coveted it and it's MINE now and I LoVe it.....
So ya, I lost it earlier that day and was beside myself already trying to find it. So he's asking me that and I was all "don't ask me hard questions when I'm already upset." and he goes "well I just want you to know, thats not cool" and I was all "gross like I would do that, in a public bathroom. But I'm not saying I never have or I never would cuz I would but that's so gross" and I was all scattered and he let it drop.

I had bad dreams like I was busted. I dreamed I got raped with a GUN by a russian man. (nice)

we went to the gym and I asked if they found my ring. no luck. 2 annoying things happened at the farmers market. It was the day of bad luck. I met with my (AA) sponsor and I was THIS CLOSE to telling her about the ED stuff. I was THIS close too, to telling husband..... But I didn't. When/if I purge and he's home, I'm prepared to tell him "YOU'RE NOT THE BATHROOM MONITOR" but he hasn't acted weird since... the talk with my sponsor was good. I told her about how all these really annoying things keep happening like the world is against me and I REALLY hate all that "woe is me" the world is against me bull honk. I know it's not, but when THIS many annoying things happen: 2 people have road rage against me, I have to ask for my money back from farmer market guy, loose my ring, etc etc all day every day for a week, I have to wonder if it's something I'M doing wrong. right? So I run the whole situation by her and we talk about it for a while and it's like, I have some unresolved trauma from my childhood. I know my ED is my drug of choice for stuffing it lately. Plus just HAVING the secret of the ED--it's just all about, I'm not honoring myself and I'm trying to stuff feelings bla bla. I'm not ready to deal yet. and I HAVE dealt with it all before. Could never get all the way through therapy on it. I start loosing my marbles and I mean wtf is the point if it makes me worse crazy to "deal" with it. AND it keeps coming back even when I'm completely ok years later I'll have like, a relapse or SOMETHING.... anyway.

We went to the tanning salon so I could ask about my ring they didnt' have it. I went to bed AGAIN without it. I prayed to my mom to bring it back to me. I decided I needed to get over it because it was making me cry and not be able to function.

Sunday was fathers day. I made pancakes, eggs, sausage, fruit, jello, oj, coffee.... I purged breakfast. We got ready for the gym kinda late. on our way out the door, guess what: I FOUND MY RING!! it was RIGHT where I thought I took it off. when I looked there 100 times I wasn't seeing it. Impossible

We went out for lunch to Red Robin (classy) Instead of a 2000 calorie plate, I only had a ONE thousand calorie plate and hurried home to purge that. Had to take a "break to read" in the bathroom he thought I had diarrhea (which I did cuz I took laxatives the night before too). Interesting to plan the order of the laxative/oral purge in one bathroom visit.......