Yummy Indian Food

Sorry for the name change you guys, if it throws ya off. I always get confused when someone changes the name of their blog, but I can figure it out pretty quick once I open it. Anyway, I thought "recovery" might throw people that it's about recovering from an ED. I'm in recovery for alcoholism--will be forever, and that's even kind of contradictory to me being active in ED.... it's bad, I hope if I go apeshit in ED and ever need to get help, I don't have to change my sobriety date for AA. That's REALLY up to me though I don't HAVE to ever do anything. Just hope it never comes to any of that..

Tonight we went to my favorite Indian restaurant. I haven't been to Indian food since I stopped eating meat, But I knew I didn't want the standard veggie stuff I've tried before like veg samosas, or dosas. I LOVE curries and dipping my nan in the extra gravy! YUM. I ended up getting Malai Kofta. It's little sausages made with veggies and cheese. the texture and flavor was insane tasty. and the curry its in!!?? AAAAAH it was to die for! We got extra special nan--Kabuli Nan. It's stuffed with dried fruit and nuts. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

I didn't keep it. :-( I had to "go pee" after I ate and got rid of it. No one was in the bathroom. It is SUCH a waste. But I was down to 138 this morning and I'm working so hard. I just can't ruin it with ONE big buttery/fatty/delicious meal. Anyway, I ENJOYED eating it right? So it's not like "why eat it if you're just gonna puke it"....

139!

YAY! I'm in the 130's! WOW

things are going a LOT SLOWER these days. In the last week I've only lost 1 pound. I have been b/ping like 3 times a day and then in the middle of the night I still wake up and eat peanut butter which I don't purge. THAT is probably THE reason it took me 2 weeks to loose one pound. But last night, I purged dinner and then we went to the mall. Then we came home and had bed time with the kids, then WE went in the bedroom and OMG--SEX is a weight loss drug. Lately I've been having TWO pig-out then puke sessions after the kids go to bed: one salty and one sweet. Last night I went to bed without any of that. I got loaded on sex chemicals. I kind of had a hard time sleeping last night though. It was weird I woke up a LOT and was just not comfy. Prolly cuz I was naked and not bundled up and sweating....

I'm off to the gym. I've missed bodypump all week, but I've hit the weights hard a couple of days and I'm doing it again today. I'm gonna try really hard to not b/p a million times at night--that's clearly gonna help me get results for all this hard work.

OMG you guys. I've taken a LOT of drugs in my life. But I tell you this from the bottom of my heart--No drug is as good as the high I get from working out and having good sex with my husband. SO, I guess my point is: just say no to drugs HAHA. that's kind of a joke. But I can remember thinking I NEEDED that shit in order to feel good or have fun. And Happily, I was wrong.

xo

best workout ever

is this: Bodypump, THEN swim 10 laps. 20 would be better but I had to rush out of there. I'll swim longer next time. I get HIGH for several hours when I do this workout. AAAAHHHHHH

proud of myself. yesterday KIND of sucked. it was ok in the middle, but first I was bummed and then I ended the day b/ping. It wasn't the WORST though. and I think if I stick to just once a day, that's not out of hand. It's still pretty gross though, I wonder if I'll ever just, stop. Probably! well, I hope I'm not kidding myself.

Today I've had: trail mix, and 1/2 a tuna sandwich (lite mayo). YOU KNOW WHAT I just realized I've gone over a week without a coke zero. SO THERE! I was all bent out of shape for being addicted to them. I'll have one tomorrow. I've been drinking LOTS of Blueberry Slimlife tea by Yogi Tea. it's Blueberry Green Tea--2 or 3 cups a day. It's really good, I put a pack of splenda but you dont' NEED sweetner.

talk to yall later
xo

Felling Bummed today.

WTF man. I'm really depressed today. This is gonna sound silly but I think its because I skipped the gym two days in a row. I went SO many days in a row, then nothing for 2 days. Husband suggested that's why. We'll see. I'm on my way as soon as I finish breakfast: hot muselix. It got oats, almonds, sunflower seeds, flax seeds, and raisins.

I REALLY need to take a day or two off from purging. Yesterday I probably purged 5 times. It was husbands birthday so I made him and the boys a really yummy meat sauce that simmered all day. I made myself a red sauce with crushed tomatoes, onion, garlic, carrot, mushrooms and olives. I put that over some elbow macaroni and cheese on top of THAT and stuck it in the oven to get it all melty. That was worth 2 rounds of b/ping. I also made a red velvet cake with pecan caramel frosting on the outside and buttercream on the inside. SO moist and delish. After everyone went to bed I had a grilled cheese cuz I made that for my kids for lunch and it was TORTURE not to eat it with them. cookies, cake, grilled cheeze, pasta bake, juice, milk, chips, sour cream! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I DID manage to not eat anything at all until afternoon. That's the downfall though. Starving just breeds Bingezombie Attack

so here's the plan for today:
Muselix for breakfast (200)
Whey protein for early lunch (100)
TJ's Curry Tuna for late lunch (200)
Some of that red sauce I made over brown rice for dinner (300)
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Update:
ok, so I did ok till after late lunch :-( after I ate, I started making dinner for my boys and kept "tasting" their dinner bits. I didn't go apeshit, but I ate bites I DIDN't plan on OR want! So I purged before I left for my meeting. Then I went and came back and gave up before I even got home. Big-ish binge. I ate beans, rice, red sauce, cheese, sour cream and tortilla chips. THEN milk, and the last of the red velvet cake and some cookies. Got out as much as I could. I feel dehydrated and swollen.

That's 2 times today. Better than yesterday. Worse than tomorrow.

oh ya, I made it to the gym and it was almost ruined because the hot tub was being drained and I was SOO looking forward to that. I dont' have a heater in my car and I'm ok with that because I know I can get in the hot tub. I almost left but then I just forced myself to get in the pool and swim 40 laps. 1.25 miles.
xo

Another fun "Before/After" Pic

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! I WAS SO FAT! GAWD!

Goal Met

Yoga (kristen)
Running- 1 mile (half before, half after) walking 1/2 mile

ALL I've had to eat all day so far is coffe, 1/4 cup of trail mix, and green tea
I'm going to TRY to wait to eat lunch (curry tuna/brown rice/veg) until 3 and then I'm not sure about dinner. I'm trying so hard to restrict but not so bad that I turn into a binge zombie. I mean, Lately I've been b/ping 2 or three times a day. But the foods aren't always the WORST.

I've been to the gym so many days in a row I don't even know how many days sheeze. I haven't been doing Livestrong.com at all lately. It's kind of ruined by b/ping.

I can't believe it though!!! I've lost 48 pounds!! from 188 to 140 today!!!! WOW I'm tickled fucking pink! first goal is 125 and I'm shooting for that by March. Then I DO have a naughty dream to get down to 113.

kickin some ass this week

I've been to the gym every day since Sunday. Here's my schedule:
Monday: Bodypump class, 10 lap swim
Tues: 2000 meter swim (40 laps)
Wed: Bodypump Class, 10 lap swim
Thurs: Run 1 mile, 32 lap (1 mile) swim
Friday: Yoga Class, 10 lap swim
Sat: Bodypump Class, 10 lap swim/ hottub chillout
Sunday: open. Maybe no gym, maybe yoga with husband.

I'm feeling so good. OKOK, I'm gonna add some pictures cuz it's been a while and I can see things that have been hiding for years, like, my jawline! I know it it still looking a little, ummmm, saggy, but it used to just be straight to neck. HEE HEE



Here's a better one I made some adjustments to hue on:


And lastly here's a little collage. The first 2 are from mothers day. Right side photo is from this weekend, same dress. I know you can't see as well in that last one, but JEEZE I was SO FAT!!! Like FOR REAL and that's not me. I don't look right at all in those fat ones.