Felling Bummed today.

WTF man. I'm really depressed today. This is gonna sound silly but I think its because I skipped the gym two days in a row. I went SO many days in a row, then nothing for 2 days. Husband suggested that's why. We'll see. I'm on my way as soon as I finish breakfast: hot muselix. It got oats, almonds, sunflower seeds, flax seeds, and raisins.

I REALLY need to take a day or two off from purging. Yesterday I probably purged 5 times. It was husbands birthday so I made him and the boys a really yummy meat sauce that simmered all day. I made myself a red sauce with crushed tomatoes, onion, garlic, carrot, mushrooms and olives. I put that over some elbow macaroni and cheese on top of THAT and stuck it in the oven to get it all melty. That was worth 2 rounds of b/ping. I also made a red velvet cake with pecan caramel frosting on the outside and buttercream on the inside. SO moist and delish. After everyone went to bed I had a grilled cheese cuz I made that for my kids for lunch and it was TORTURE not to eat it with them. cookies, cake, grilled cheeze, pasta bake, juice, milk, chips, sour cream! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I DID manage to not eat anything at all until afternoon. That's the downfall though. Starving just breeds Bingezombie Attack

so here's the plan for today:
Muselix for breakfast (200)
Whey protein for early lunch (100)
TJ's Curry Tuna for late lunch (200)
Some of that red sauce I made over brown rice for dinner (300)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Update:
ok, so I did ok till after late lunch :-( after I ate, I started making dinner for my boys and kept "tasting" their dinner bits. I didn't go apeshit, but I ate bites I DIDN't plan on OR want! So I purged before I left for my meeting. Then I went and came back and gave up before I even got home. Big-ish binge. I ate beans, rice, red sauce, cheese, sour cream and tortilla chips. THEN milk, and the last of the red velvet cake and some cookies. Got out as much as I could. I feel dehydrated and swollen.

That's 2 times today. Better than yesterday. Worse than tomorrow.

oh ya, I made it to the gym and it was almost ruined because the hot tub was being drained and I was SOO looking forward to that. I dont' have a heater in my car and I'm ok with that because I know I can get in the hot tub. I almost left but then I just forced myself to get in the pool and swim 40 laps. 1.25 miles.
xo