on the warpath

or: I'm on a rampage? A mellow rampage. I watched a documentary last night called the beautiful thing I think. It's about this Dr who cured cancer in the 40's named Dr Gerson. I mean, that's the basic subject of the documentary. and it goes on about how curing cancer is a business and everyone would be out of a job if they actually DID cure cancer. SO it's this big conspiracy theory. But I totally believe it. And then I was reminded of all these other food related conspiracies I get all excited about but never follow through with. The "juiceman" was on this movie. Its all about curing cancer with juicing, and coffee enemas, and getting cancer causing stuff out of our food and bodies. So today, I busted out the juicer and got "Skinny Bitch" from the library. It's a GREAT book. More conspiracy stuff and it's all true and I want to go vegetarian this time for real. I want to be healthy most of all and i know that WITH that, will come super-skinny. I know it.

I haven't taken laxatives since Thursday. Diuretics either. and I'm super successful in the bathroom anyway! yaaaaaaaaaaaay. I'm eating tons of GOOD poop making foods: apples, flax seeds, beets, probiotics... I made spicy butternut soup this weekend and ate that a few times. that had chicken broth in it...

UGH! this book IS SUPER good.

Freaking out

Ok, I'm freaking out right now because I got a BAD (hit me hard, bleeding) bladder infection this morning. I went to the doctor and he gave me Cipro. When I filled it, the pharmacist told me "no exercise" while I take it!!?? I said "running's ok though right" haha, he said NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I guess theres a super rare chance of tendon rupture. I ran 2 miles yesterday!! And I know I have to run every day, or it will be so sickening HARD to get back to it after a break! I don't want a break!! I called the doc to ask for something else. Fuck that.

Goin to the store asap this morning to get more diurex. I don't think I'm gaining so much weight since I ran out. But I still panicked when I saw 154.0 on the scale this morning. I was 152.0 the other morning and I AM TIRED of being stuck at 154. I'm going to take it 4 times a day like it says.....

I went a whole week with no purging, but since S's birthday party Saturday, I've been having my nightly routine with it. I have my meeting tonight and I can usually NOT b/p on meeting nights. I wait to eat dinner till after and then I just have a soup--altogether less than 300 cals (crackers and whatnot) for dinner.....

I made a batch of Kamut yesterday I'm gonna try having that for breakfast and see if I get power from it.

I ran yesterday, the first time since my double whammy last week. I didnt' take a "quick trim burn" and it HURT to do my run. I REALLY had a hard time. I only have one more of those pills and I'm gonna take it today.... I might have to get some more of that!

S is 3

My Baby boy is 3 tomorrow. We're having a little costume party. I cashed in on all the sales of halloween stuff. Not scary halloween, fun for kids.

I didn't go to the gym today. I ran all around the world getting ready for this party and going to school for my Art Lit lesson--I volunteer at my 8 year olds school doing Art Literacy for his class. Each month is a featured artist. They learn the history and life story of the artist and some technique as well as art terms, ideas, and theory. It's the BEST ever thing I could do as a volunteer. So once a month I also go in first to learn the whole lesson plan and everything. So I did that part today.

Today I ate 1045 cals.
I was 154.3 this morning. grrrrrr

We're going to the gym in the morning. Then clean house, then party. I'm still really sore. Worse than last night even...

Oops I did it again!

I ran a mile again today, and faster even! I can't believe it. I'm a RUNNER. ME.... YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Today I ate 1059 cals.
I'm still 154.5

On my period, hopefully I loose a couple pounds JUST for that. Let alone all my superwoman running. I'm going to start upping my distance ASAP.I have to take tomorrow off I'm in PAIN tonight. I think I'll go to yoga tomorrow, but no running or weights.

hearts!

so weird

I haven't binge/purged in 3 days. Just out of nowhere. I couldn't stop and then bam, done. I've been eating closer to 1050 cals a day, maybe that's helping. I'm gonna edit and add to this later, I have to go to the gym now.

oh ya, real quick: Portia De Rossi was on GMA this morning and I love her! She wrote a very revealing book about her eating disorder and I can't wait to read it....

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I'm back. I ran a mile at the gym today!! I haven't even attempted that since maybe June when I was 185+ and I couldn't even jog .25 mile. Today I just got on the treadmill to warm up but then I started running and before I knew it I was .25 miles along and like "oooh, I can do this!" so I did it. I feel like a fuckin CHAMP and I'm gonna do that every day. I know that's gonna make my second half of this weightloss actually start happening! I'm STILL 154.5! I know this happens every 5 pounds, I get stuck for a week or more. but I hate that! Running will work I know it YAY!

OK, this is weird: my period keeps coming sooner and sooner my cycle has been like this:
Aug 28 days
Sept 26 days
Oct 24 days!
24 days since the START of my last period. that means it's only been like 18 days since I ended which is BULLHONK. 2.5 weeks of period free? nofair.

Calories today: 1038

Spell is broken

AH, I'm feeling MUCH better today. No binges yesterday. ON HALLOWEEN! I worked out HARD and had 900 cals. Good girl.

M and I got in ANOTHER fight last night. and we never even had it out about the last one. yuk. So we got in the shower. That always makes every thing better and last night was no exception. wheew! I can't wait till I have my ultimate body and a TAN. Hot bod in the shower is his big fantasy

I'm gonna go shopping today for S's little birthday party sat. He's turning 3. We're having a costume party and i'm gonna go cash in on some halloween sales.... hopefully.

hearts.