O
M
G
I told my sponsor (Alcoholics Anonymous) about my ED..... I've been frazzly lately. Loosing things and lying and flailing and lying and secrets and lying. And that shit leads to drinking. I went to dinner with her and I knew I had to come clean. The LAST time we got together about a month ago, I thought I might tell then. But I didn't and the symptoms of my secrecy have only gotten worse. I had to tell. She didn't bust me too bad. Then I came home and told my husband. OF COURSE now I wish I hadn't told either of them. But I'm having "issues" lately with my health and I worry and I KIND of want to get better. But honestly, HONESTLY, I still want to keep b/p-ing as a stress reliever. I have still done it every day since the big "confess"... It's been harder if I do before husband goes to bed. But ya. that was a step in A direction.... Husband said he knew and he's cracked a couple of jokes since like "I took 'son' to dairy queen and we got a waffle cone and DIDN'T purge right after. and then I talked candidly about how my usual time for the biggest pointless bender of the day is always at night and maybe we can set me up a nice little area in the backyard where I can have a hookah at night instead... Sponsor said we're going to take it one step at a time. Get my life on track so I dont' GET stressed to want to b/p. AND I need to go to the doctor to get perspective on the health aspects of it.
Husband is going on a biz trip for the next 3 days. So I'll be "alone" to do what I want. right now, I can't imagine NOT going on a b/p bender. but maybe I'll try not to one or two days... I'll think about it. Restricting, nice to meet you.... we'll talk later ok? I'm off to eat cereal, and peanut butter, and ritz crackers, and a 3 musketeers bar.
Good step in the right direction by telling.
ReplyDeletePs- Wanting to tell might mean that a part of you is wanting recov? I think it is a good thing to get things off your chest even though you kid of regret it...
ReplyDeleteTelling someone is always a good thing. It's like having a safety net. Plus, you don't want to end up falling off the sobriety wagon from the stress of hiding your ED. You have enough to deal with without a relapse into alcoholism.
ReplyDeleteBesides, your hubby already put 2 and 2 together, so it's not like your secret was really a secret, eh? All you did was confirm what he already guessed. And that's a good way to keep communication between the two of you steady.
You know I'm always around if you need to vent, too.
xo