Husband and I just got in a HUGE fight about money. Tears, the whole shebang. It sucked and I'm just drained.
I haven't binged since Saturday--before the juice fast. I really feel like that fast changed my life. I don't want to be over dramatic. AND I'm not saying I'll never binge and purge again. But it really taught me about myself! You know, I quit drinking a few years ago. Then I quit smoking a year or so after that. When I was doing the fast it was MOMENT TO MOMENT struggle with myself. I had never experienced that before. When I quit drinking, I had no doubt and I WAS relieved of the obsession to drink. (it was hard and a sickening struggle but in a different way-long story) When I quit smoking, I was taking a medication (wellbutrin) for other mental issues, that is apparently a quit smoking aid. But during the fast, I could have stopped the fast at any time. I had a million excuses and I didn't' even NEED an excuse. It was SO HARD and I did it. Taught me a lot about just waiting a little while longer for that nasty treat "you can have it later", but then never even having it. So I win.
I was constantly fighting the habitual urge to toss something in my mouth. I'm making food for kids and in the kitchen a lot through the day. One day, we went to the zoo and "had a picnic"--they ate and I took pictures and giggled manically like I wasn't starved. That was particularly rough because I couldn't drink the juice I made even!! Something was weird and wrong with it and we were on public trans, not home so I just had to make do without. I Cheated--I still drank coffee (ONCE in the mornings). But other than that I had NO candy, NO diet soda, NO nothing to drink that I didn't make myself. I did have herbal teas..... There were several moments when I was standing in the middle of the living room looking around thinking I should be doing something right now, I need a candy, or gum. Then had to face the reality, that my comfort would not come from putting something in my mouth. That's like hitting a wall and it's just a complete surrender. Very Grateful I had the opportunity to experience the self awareness.
Yesterday was my first day back to eating. I waited till around 4pm to eat anything substantial. Had a salad, dollop of soup, an egg and a toast. I wanted 2 toasts, but I thought "1 will totally be fine" and it was. BIG change right there. Then today I had a few bites of pineapple for breakfast-spread through the morning. A "trio" bar (nuts, seeds, fruit--3 things hence trio) during the lunch time. Then at dinner I had mall food court thai salad rolls and lemongrass soup. Total for the whole day 550 cals which I REALLY can't believe but that's according to my calorie tracker and I even added a few extra. anyway my point is-I'M NOT HUNGRY. That's unbelievable right? Before I COULDN'T NOT eat! and too much too--peanut butter SPREAD on to cookies?? whole milk, cereal, cheese, chips, sour cream, on and on...... I'm telling you guys--this cleanse was like a reset button. Husband and I are going to do it for Sunday. He was like "but you JUST did it"--but dude, it's so empowering and NOT scary. I think every Sunday is a SUPER idea. I might do sun - tues every other week till I get down to my goal weight.
Speaking of weight: I "only" lost 5 pounds BUT ok, here's my thinking. I was taking 3 dulcolax every night and 4 diurex pills every day. My fluid retention probably evened out as I was loosing from the fast. PLUS all those juices are close to 1000 cal a day because I was doing the medium difficulty level which has several fruit juices. I'm VERY inclined to take a dulcolax or two tonight and hit the diuretics hard again but maybe this is a good opportunity to let all that be reset too and the weight will come off and I won't be stuck in that horrible laxative cycle.... I can do my next couple fasting days on the most "difficult" level--those are ALL green juices and only MAX 800 cals a day.
OMG HANA Thank you so much for the award! I will do my duty with regards to that ASAP ok XOXO
Awww, reading this made me nostalgic for liquid fasting...and then I remember how I had to liquid fast for 2 months and then I wanna die all over again. lmao I'm telling you, even though I *know* from experience I can do it for an extended period of time, my desire to do it again is totally gone.
ReplyDelete800 cals/day is pretty low. If you do lose a lot of weight while doing it, it'll will be a struggle to keep it off. I'd say stick to the 1000 cals/day because it's closer to what you'd be taking in during weight maintenance anyway.
Besides, your brain alone burns 500 cals/day all by itself. Which means heavy restriction takes an huge toll on your other organs (trust me, this toll sucks, you don't wanna pay it), not to mention the fact that it can seriously fuck up your metabolism/momentum. So yeah, you might wanna take all that into account while you plan, so you can set yourself up for long term success.
As for the award....GET CRACKIN! lol j/k lady. Take your time, there's no rush. Those awards are just for shits and giggles. :B
you're such a strong person. Not just because of this fast, but because of everything else you've been through and how you come out of it with this pure determination to succeed in whatever you do. I hope you realize that you're so inspirational to others. Every time I read your posts, I get motivated to do better and have more confidence in my ability to actually get through something. I really want to start this fast soon. Is there a website or something with the details?
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