So I had this low blood sugar attack the other night as the result of purging ( I think). the next day, Yesterday, I went out for lunch with my little guy. I just reached a major milestone in my weight, 129. It wouldn't kill me to KEEP my lunch down. Normally, I'm home at lunch time, so if I eat it's no big to purge. SO I usually eat something not so sensible for lunch, Or just hog out like a beast. But yesterday we were out so I thought, I can't purge and that's OK. I had a BIG bowl of noodles stir fried with veggies and tofu in a thai sauce. I was full. It was yummy. Then I started rethinking my errands for the rest of the outing and thinking of ways I could just go home real quick. :-( I ended up coming home to purge. Now, even when I PLAN to be ok with eating a meal and keeping it in, once I eat it, my mind starts racing and I feel gross regret and have to get rid of it. I want to say, who cares? If I'm 118 and THEN I still feel like I can't keep down a meal, then maybe that's a problem. Or really, if I'm 113.... But isn't that just a sign that there's a problem? What IS the problem? I think that as long as I stay honest with myself and keep talking about it, it's OK! I DO want to be 113 lbs! and I CAN that's totally not out of line or anything I looked it up. That's still a BMI of 18.5. And I'm getting SO FIT a BMI can totally get thrown off by muscle. So I'm prepared to continue reevaluating. Like if I'm 120 and I look good and have lots of muscles and no fatty bits, Cool. I'm pretty sure I'll NEVER stop having fatty bits though. well, we'll see huh.
xo
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